STOP

Feeling overwhelmed by bad news?  Running frantically from task to task?  Experiencing emotional distress?

It's time to take a moment to STOP.  Life is not a sprint.  You need to pace yourself and take breaks.

Stop

Take a step back - this could involve taking some slow controlled breaths

Observe - both what is happening around you as well as inside you

Proceed mindfully

If you are having trouble with this last step, repeat the process and/or pair it with some other distress tolerance techniques such as the five senses activity or TIP.  I encourage you to check out the video resources at the end of this blog post.

One day I realised that I had a missed call from a certain service provider.  I would need to ring this provider back.  At the time I was waiting for a scheduled phone call from someone else and I was therefore unable to ring the provider back straight away.  I started becoming very anxious and distressed about the prospect of interacting with the provider as I hadn't had any contact with them before and I wasn't sure how easy they would be to work with.  It was at this time that I remembered to STOP.  At the last step, I considered how to proceed mindfully as my body was still teeming with stress hormones.  Immediately, I remembered TIP.  Well, I can't 'tip the temperature' (since I don't have access to anything cold), but I can do 'intense physical activity'.  So, I got up and did 50 star jumps.  By the time I had finished this intense physical activity, my body and mind were calm and I was just in time to attend my scheduled phone appointment.  It worked.

Sometimes you need to STOP in order to go.

Resources:

Video explaining the STOP skill: DBT Distress Tolerance STOP Skill

Video explaining distress tolerance skills including the TIP skill and the STOP skill - DBT: Distress Tolerance Skills

If you are experiencing distress you don't have to face it alone.  Call Lifeline: 13 11 14

Don't Worry

Have you ever been worried about something and been reminded that you shouldn't worry?  I have.  Whether it has been reading a Bible verse about it or having someone tell me or even just remembering that I shouldn't be worrying about stuff.  Regardless of how we are reminded, we all know that we shouldn't worry.  Knowing that we shouldn't worry isn't the problem.  We all know that we shouldn't worry about the future.  The problem is, if we stop worrying, what do we do instead?

I remember one morning on my first teaching placement when I woke up feeling very anxious about the day.  I read Bible verses about not worrying, I prayed, I cried, I talked to someone else about it, but I didn't have a lot of success with stopping the worrying.  I now know that instead of worrying about the future all the time, I need to learn skills to manage the worry (not the focus of this blog post) and then learn to live in the present.  That is MUCH easier said than done and it is a skill that needs to be learned.  

 

 

One skill that can help us learn to be in the present involves using our five senses and answering the questions:

• What are five things that I can see?
• What are four things that I can feel?
• What are three things that I can hear?
• What are two things that I can smell?
• What is one thing that I can taste?

 

This is a start.  It definitely helps, but it is just a start.  There are other skills that help with managing worry as well as being in the present.

Resources:

Here is a link to a worksheet that explains the five senses exercise in more detail: Five Senses Worksheet

Here is a link to a video that explains the five senses exercise in more detail: Coping Skill: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Grounding Technique

And remember that you can always call Lifeline (13 11 14) or Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) if you are struggling and need some help.  They are great.

Miserable Comforters

Have you ever experienced miserable comforters?  Over the last twelve months I have experienced significant amounts of loss and grief.  As a result of these experiences, I have encountered two general groups of comforters and one of these groups has added to my pain rather than relieving it.  Miserable comforters.

 "Just trust in God and everything will be alright."

"Praise God."

"You need to be more resilient."

"This is part of God's plan for your life."

"Focus on the positive."

"What are the details?" [From people just seeking to satisfy their curiosity but who actually don't care about you]

"God is testing you." 

"You must have done something wrong and God is punishing you."

All from people who have NO IDEA what it is like to experience this, although they act like they do.  They don't even know the full story because they haven't taken the time to be there for you and listen WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.  They are full of answers and advice but severely lacking in wisdom.  Their comments echo what Job's friends said to him after he had lost his family and all his stuff, including his health.

Your children must have sinned against God, and so he punished them as they deserved. - Job 8:2*

God is punishing you less than you deserve. - Job 11:6

There is nothing you know that we don't know. - Job 15:9

Job, you upset me. Now I'm impatient to answer.  What you have said is an insult, but I know how to reply to you. - Job 20:1-3

Have you ever seen anyone like this man Job?  He never shows respect for God.  He likes the company of evil people and goes around with sinners.  He says that it never does any good to try to follow God's will. - Job 34:7-9

[God] protects those who are righteous; he allows them to rule like kings and lets them be honored forever. - Job 36:7 

If they obey God and serve him, they live out their lives in peace and prosperity. - Job 36:11 

God brought you out of trouble, and let you enjoy security; your table was piled high with food.  But now you are being punished as you deserve. - Job 36:16-17

No one can tell God what to do or accuse him of doing evil.  He has always been praised for what he does; you also must praise him. - Job 36:23-24

And what was God's response?

After the Lord had finished speaking to Job, he said to Eliphaz, “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you did not speak the truth about me, the way my servant Job did.  Now take seven bulls and seven rams to Job and offer them as a sacrifice for yourselves. Job will pray for you, and I will answer his prayer and not disgrace you the way you deserve. You did not speak the truth about me as he did.” - Job 42:7-8

There are some things in life that we do not have the answers for.  Let us acknowledge and accept this, as hard as it is.  Lets be there for each other and listen without judgement and advice.

If you are going through a rough time in your life, don't feel bad about removing miserable comforters out of your life.

If you have been a miserable comforter, with help you can change, if you choose to.

ETA:

If you are needing help coping with stuff that is happening in your life and aren't sure where to turn, try calling the following numbers:

Lifeline 13 11 14 (Alternatively you can text or chat to them online at: https://www.lifeline.org.au/)

Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 (or chat online at: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/)

You don't have to manage on your own.

*All Bible verses are quoted from the Good News Translation.

Daffodil!

I am SO excited!!!  My first daffodil has bloomed!  Back in May I bought the bulbs and planted them in the ground.  Then I waited.  Weeks passed.  Eventually the leaves started poking through the ground.  I waited some more.  More weeks passed and then the flower buds started appearing.  Days passed.  Days where I checked on the flowers multiple times a day, eagerly anticipating the opening of the first flower.  Now, four months later, my patience is rewarded by my first daffodil with more on the way.  Growth takes time.

 When I purchased the daffodil bulbs, I purchased a mixed collection of seven bulbs.  I planted six of them and gave the last one to my Mum.  They didn't all exhibit signs of growth at the same time.  In fact, I thought one of them would never grow and so I planted snowdrops close around it.  Suffice it to say, I was pleasantly surprised when the leaves of the sixth bulb started poking through the surface of the soil.  Growth happens at different rates.

Besides growing daffodils, I also spent a couple of afternoons planting seeds in my veggie garden.  I planted peas, beans, tomatoes, basil, cucumbers, lettuce, spinach and asian spinach.  The peas, the asian spinach and the beetroots were the first to germinate.  The weeds were even quicker, although it was a bit hard to tell which plants were weeds and which were from seeds that I planted.  Experience tells me that I will need to nurture the plants that I want to grow and remove the ones that I don't in order to get the results, the harvest, that I desire.  Growth requires nurture.

There is a third garden that I am working on, the garden of my mind.  I am growing neural pathways.  I am learning to identify 'weeds' as well as what skills to plant and how to nurture my garden.  I have other gardeners who are helping me.  Gardeners who know more about different plants (skills) and how to grow them.  This growth requires nurture.  This growth happens at different rates.  This growth takes time.