Bible Names: Adam

I have been doing some research on women leaders in the Bible (and no, I'm not ready to post anything yet).  This quest began before I listened to "The Making of Biblical Womanhood" by Beth Alison Barr (a book I highly recommend), but was rekindled by it.  In order not to miss any women, I started scanning through the Bible from Genesis.  Suddenly, I was struck by Genesis 5:2 (Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.).  THEIR name Adam?!  What does Adam mean?  Thus began my exploration into the meaning of Bible names.

Adam (see H120) - ruddy i.e. a human being (an individual or the species, mankind, etc.)

This name was given to both the man and the woman when they were created, see Genesis 5:2: "Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created."  Sometimes this name is used to refer only to the man, however most of the time it is used to refer to human beings in general as we can see from Genesis 5:2.  The majority of the time this word is translated as man (408x) or men (121x) as opposed to Adam (13x), person(s) (8x), common sort (1x) or hypocrite (1x).  Every time, other than in Genesis 5:2, this word when translated as 'Adam' refers only to the first man.

There is another word that is translated as Adam (see H121), this word is used in some of the verses that are speaking specifically about the first man.  It is not used to refer to human beings in general. 

In the new testament the word Adam (see G76) has two definitions: Adam, the first man; typically (of Jesus) man (as his representative).  Both uses of the word can be seen in 1 Corinthians: "For the scripture says, “The first man, Adam, was created a living being”; but the last Adam is the life-giving Spirit" (1 Corinthians 15:45 GNT).  The first Adam was given life; the last Adam gives life.

Not only is this word translated differently within the one version of the Bible, it is also translated differently between versions of the Bible.  Out of the 54 English translations listed on Bible Gateway, 28 use the word 'man' to refer to human beings in Genesis 1:26, e.g. And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth (Genesis 1:26 KJV).  Five use the word 'mankind'.  The remaining 20 translations use the term 'humans', 'human beings', 'humankind' or 'humanity'.  Why all the differences?  Why the predominant use of the word man to refer to human beings?

If we were to look at the orgin of the word 'man' in the English language, we would find the following:

The etymologically primary sense of the word is 'human being, person,' and that is what it generally meant in Old English (Ayto, 1990).

Ayto (1990) goes on to explain how the sexes were distinguished with 'wer' for the male and 'wif' for the female.

During the Middle English and early modern English periods 'male person' gradually came to the fore, and today 'person' is decidedly on the decline (helped on its way by those who feel that the usage discriminates against women).  Woman originated in Old English as a compound of wif 'woman, female' and man 'person' (Ayto, 1990).

The first English translations of the Bible were made during the time when the meaning of the word 'man' was gradually transitioning from 'human being, person' to 'male person'.  This would appear to explain the two meanings that we can find when we read the Bible.

References:

Ayto, J (1990). Dictionary of Word Origins. Arcade Publishing: New York.

Words of Comfort and Pain

You want to support someone who is grieving and at the same time you don't want to say anything to add to their pain.  So, what can you say?  In this post I will share words that have brought me comfort as well as words that have added to my pain, in the hopes that it will help people to better support those who are grieving.  At the end I have also included a list of characteristics which supportive people have.

 Words that brought me comfort in my grief:

• I am so sorry for your loss
• I can't imagine how hard this is for you
• I don't know what to say, but I am here for you
• If you want to talk, I'm happy to listen 
• We all need help at times like this, I am here for you
  
• You can call me anytime you need someone to talk to (make sure that they have other numbers which they can call if they can't get hold of you - see the phone numbers at the end of this post)
  
• I don't know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can
  

Note for those who are grieving: You will encounter people who say any or all of the above things but do not mean what they say and who consequently let you down.  Don't give up.  Look for support elsewhere.  See the numbers at the bottom of this post if you are stuck.  There are supportive people out there, they just tend to be harder to find.

Words that added to my pain:

• There is a reason for everything
• I know how you feel
• All things work together for good
• God has a plan in all this
• Count your blessings
• Focus on the positive  
• You need to move on with your life
  

A tricky one:  I'm praying for you.  From the right sort of person (someone who is effectively supporting you), this can be encouraging.  From everyone else it feels like a cop out.  I'm doing something to help you by praying for you.  How about you pray and ask God for wisdom as to what YOU can say or do to help.  We are to be God's hands on this earth.

Sometimes it is best not to say anything, especially if the grieving person is very distressed.  Stay with them.  Be near them.  Pass them the tissues.  Give them a hug if they want it.  It is uncomfortable for you and them and sometimes you just have to sit with it.

As you have probably realised, there is more to support than simply speaking the right words.  Supportive people not only speak words of comfort, they possess certain characteristics (adapted from grief.com).

• Are supportive, but don't try to fix it
• Don't tell you what to do (but ask what you want/need or phrase suggestions as questions if you can't articulate your wants/needs, e.g. Would it help you if we went for a walk together?)
  
• Admit that they can't make it better (rather than rationalising or trying to explain the loss)
  
• Validate your feelings (non-judgemental)
  
• Recognise loss (instead of minimising it)
  
• Do not place a time-limit on grief but rather let them take the time that they need (pushing them will only slow the process)
  

Despite all this, there is nothing like having someone support you who has been through a similar experience.  If possible, connect the grieving person with this kind of support as well.

Essential contacts to have for support:

Lifeline 13 11 14

Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636

If your grief is suicide related, the following numbers are also great to have as a resource:

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467

Suicide Call Back Service offers free professional 24/7 telephone counselling support to people at risk of suicide, concerned about someone at risk, bereaved by suicide and people experiencing emotional or mental health issues.

StandBy - Support After Suicide 1300 727 247 

Australia's leading suicide postvention program dedicated to assisting people and communities bereaved or impacted by suicide.

Grief

This year my brother would have turned 19.  Would have.  Twelve months ago he died in a car accident.  Two months prior to this, my aunt died in a car accident.  Two months after burying my brother we buried my grandfather as well.  Grief over the loss of his daughter and his grandson destroyed his desire to live.  I miss my aunt and my grandfather, but with my brother things have been different.

I loved my grandfather very much and he loved me just as much.  He called me his favorite granddaughter (I was the only one until my sister was born 13 years after me).  He overcame his fear of flying to visit me when I was only a few months old.  It was his only plane flight.  He addressed his first (and only?) email to me.  He was always so glad to see me and told me to "be good" and "stay away from boys".  Every now and then in my busy life I would ring him up and we would chat on the phone.  I loved him and didn't want him to die.  He died slowly over a number of weeks and I was able to speak to him, to be with him, to say goodbye.  I wept at his funeral.  I missed him.  Yet my grief over the death of my grandfather was eclipsed by the grief over my brother's death.  It wasn't long before I adjusted to the absence of my grandfather and was able to enjoy my memories of his life rather than be overcome by the grief of his death.  It was not so with my brother.

I didn't get to say goodbye to my brother.  His death was sudden, unexpected, unforeseen.  I didn't even get to be with him while he lay unconscious in hospital because I was stuck, locked down in another state.  I couldn't even be with my family in person.  I had to rely on FaceTime.  It wasn't until I had spent a week trying to get permission to cross the border and two weeks in hotel quarantine, that I was reunited with my family.  The grief was incredibly intense and enduring.  It is only now, almost a year later, that I am able to grasp the fact that he really is gone.  The shock has worn off (I think) but the grief remains.  Slowly it becomes easier to bear with the passing of time.  It is no longer all encompassing but it is no less painful.  I am learning to live with my grief.

We are told that everyone experiences grief differently.  It is also true that we grieve different losses differently.  It was easier for me to part with my grandfather because he was old.  He had lived to see his kids grow up and some of his grandkids grow up too.  It was also easier because I saw it coming, I was able to say goodbye, and I was able to begin grieving when he was still alive.  None of this was true for my brother.  And my aunt?  That was hard too, only made easier by the fact that I had never spent a lot of time with her.  Regardless to say, the shock of her death was still very hard for me to handle and I can't imagine how hard it must be for her husband.  

Why am I sharing this with you all?  Because I have had numerous people who have indicated by words and/or actions that they understand the pain that I and my family are experiencing.  The fact is: You don't.  Don't pretend that you do.  Only those who have unexpectedly lost a sibling or child (or parent if the parent is young) can begin to understand.  Before I experienced this, I had no idea how painful it could be.  And that wasn't because I hadn't experienced the death of family members before.  The death of a grandfather is very different to the death of a brother.  

What do we need?  We need your love and empathetic, listening ears.  We can do without judgment and trite answers which only add to our pain.  Are you at a loss to know what to say to someone who is grieving?  In my next post I will share some comments that I have received which have helped me in my grief.