Twelve months ago, I experienced the sudden and unexpected death of my brother Peter. There are no words to express the intense and enduring grief of myself and my family members in response to this tragedy. It would have been impossible for me to imagine what this experience would have been like beforehand. Only those who have tasted it will begin to understand. Over the past twelve months I have gradually learned strategies to manage my grief. It is no longer all encompassing. The pain has not lessened, I have just learned how to live with it. There is room for other things in my life alongside the grief. How did I reach this point? Time and people. Time to express and process my grief through words, actions, and artwork. People to listen without judgement as I struggled to express what I was going through, particularly individuals who had also experienced the sudden and unexpected death of a sibling, parent or child who had their whole life ahead of them.
What do we need from those around us when something like this happens to us? We need to be listened to. We need to be loved. We need to be told and reminded that it is OK to grieve. We need people to grieve with us.
Jesus' dear friend Lazarus had died, leaving behind his grieving sisters: Mary and Martha.
When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed in the house. John 11:20.
After speaking with Jesus, Martha returned to her sister Mary in the house and said: "The teacher is here, and is asking for you." John 11:28.
When Mary heard this, she got up and hurried out to meet him... Mary arrived where Jesus was, and as soon as she saw him, she fell at his feet. "Lord," she said, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died!" Jesus saw her weeping, and he saw how the people who were with her were weeping also; his heart was touched, and he was deeply moved. "Where have you buried him?" he asked them. "Come and see, Lord," they answered. Jesus wept. John 11:29-35.
Did Jesus reprove Mary and those who were with her for grieving the death of Lazarus? No.
Did Jesus tell Mary and her attendants to count their blessings, or praise God? No.
Did Jesus tell them that they had grieved long enough and that they needed to move on with their lives? No.
How did Jesus respond to their grief? The Bible says that his heart was touched, he was deeply moved and he wept. He wept. He joined them. He grieved with them.
Jesus knew that he was about to raise Lazarus from the dead. Jesus knew that everyone would be happy and full of joy soon. Jesus had hope. Still, knowing all this, Jesus wept. My friends, it is OK to grieve.
