Everyone

Everyone is looking for eternal life

We can never earn it, not through work or strife

I cannot deserve it, it is not from me

Gift of God, through Jesus, it is truly free.

 

Everyone has sinned and fallen very short

We don't have God's character, nor do what we ought

We have broken God's law, that is what is sin

It has changed our thinking, changed us deep within.

 

Everyone is thinking, they know what to do

Sin has screwed their thinking, their way won't get through

Their choices are leading to eternal death

Hope is what they're needing before their last breath.

 

Everyone come listen, hear how God is love

He gave His son, Jesus, from heaven above

To close up the barrier that sin has made

He gave His life for our sins, He made a trade.

 

Everyone keep listening, he took humanity

God from eternity made all you can see

But came down to this earth to take on our sin

To die the death for us, His beloved kin.

 

Everyone is wondering, what do we do now

We need to have Jesus, but you're asking how

Believe Him, accept Him, undergo new birth

Abiding in Jesus, you'll reach the new earth. 

Inspired by Lesson 1 of the Come Alive with Jesus Bible Study series - Being Born: A New Relationship with Jesus.

The Power of a Testimony

"Go away! Leave us alone! We don't want to have anything to do with you!" the people cried.

Turning away from the people, Jesus starts getting back into the boat. 

"Wait, let me go with you," a man cries, "please"!

Jesus turns with compassionate eyes on the man who has just been healed. "No", he firmly replies. "No, go home to your family, and tell them everything the Lord has done for you and how merciful he has been."

Turning around, the man immediately starts off on his mission. He goes around and visits the Ten Towns of that region and begins to proclaim the great things Jesus has done for him.

As a result of his testimony, everyone is amazed. 

Follow the arrows from dark to light

In the meantime, Jesus passes back to the other side of the lake to Capernaum and raises Jairus' daughter from the dead. Then Jesus travels to Nazareth where he is also rejected. Jesus then goes from village to village, teaching the people. He also sends out his twelve disciples in pairs to share about him and to bless the people by healing the sick and casting out evil spirits. After they return from their missionary journeys, Jesus takes them to a quiet place near Bethsaida to rest awhile, but people follow them and here he ends up feeding the 5,000 men with their families. Jesus sends his disciples away by boat to Bethsaida and comes walking to them on the water during the night. After crossing the lake, they land at Gennesaret where Jesus heals many people and speaks to the Jewish leaders about inner purity. From there, Jesus travels north to the region of Tyre. Here, Jesus casts a devil out of a Gentile girl in response to her mother's faith in him. Then Jesus leaves Tyre and goes up to Sidon before going back to the Sea of Galilee and the region of the Ten Towns.

Ah, so now Jesus is back where we started our story. This time a large crowd gather to listen to him. They are receptive this time. They have heard the testimony of the man who was possessed with the evil spirits. They bring a deaf man to Jesus and beg him to heal him. Jesus heals the man and the people are completely amazed and say again and again, "Everything he does is wonderful. He even makes the deaf to hear and gives speech to those who cannot speak."

The people stay there for three days with Jesus and run out of food. Jesus feels sorry for them and gathers together the seven loaves and few small fish which they have left and multiply it so that there is enough to feed the 4,000 men and their families which are gathered there. After everyone has eaten enough, they gather together seven large baskets of leftover food and then Jesus sends them all home. 

Wow, what a turnaround! From rejection to acceptance. What made the difference? The sharing of a personal testimony. The man didn't know much about God, but he did know what God had done for him so he shared that. That opened the way for Jesus to return and share more.

Story from Mark 5:17 - 8:9. Image generated using Advent AI.

Faithfulness to Commitment

Thirteen weeks! Christmas day marked the completion of thirteen weeks of workouts. Thirteen weeks ago I committed to doing workouts five days per week to improve my overall health and tone my body. I have been faithful to that commitment and I intend to continue doing so. Although it has been quite tough at times, I have had good support from my husband and other family members and I have relied on God's strength. It is He that has enabled me to be faithful to my commitment. 

While our faithfulness to our commitments is often unreliable, God is always faithful.

He always stands by his covenant—
the commitment he made to a thousand generations.

Psalm 105:8 NLT 

This verse is particularly referring to the commitment that God made to Abraham that He would give him the land of Canaan. While it took many years, and many trials, the people did receive the land in the end and God blessed them so much along the way. He arranged for Joseph to be in charge of the food in Egypt in preparation for the famine. He sent the Israelites into Egypt, into the best part of the land, during the time of the famine so that they would have food to eat. He multiplied them while they were in Egypt so that they became a great nation. He performed many miracles to bring them out of Egypt. He compelled the Egyptians to give all their valuables to the Israelites when they left Egypt. He miraculously brought them through the Red Sea and sustained them in the wilderness for forty years with food that miraculously came from heaven. He provided water for the people throughout their wanderings, even bringing water from a rock. He did so much for them, even giving them crops ready to harvest when they arrived in the promised land.

He gave his people the lands of pagan nations,
and they harvested crops that others had planted.

Psalm 105:44 NLT

God is always faithful and He has committed to give us the promised land, a new earth.

“Look! I am creating new heavens and a new earth,
and no one will even think about the old ones anymore.

Isaiah 65:17 NLT

“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am."

John 14:1-3 NLT

God has proven His faithfulness in the past, He continues to prove His faithfulness in the present, we can trust Him to be faithful in the future.

Conviction to Conversion

The last shout had rung out, the last stone had been cast, the last robe gathered up. The pile of stones rose conspicuously, hiding the man crushed beneath them but leaving the vision of the man burned into his memory. The man's declaration hung in the air: Look, I see the heavens opened and the Son of Man standing in the place of honor at God's right hand! He shook himself vigorously. "What blasphemy!" he muttered.

Turning away from the stirring scene, he followed the crowd of men returning to the city. He quickened his steps and drew his robe closer about him. As he reached the group, a notable pharisee stepped up beside him. "Well done son", he said, "you did well today. A promotion is certainly coming your way. How do you feel about taking the lead with dealing with the rest of these blasphemous Christians?"

"Me? It would be a great honour Rabbi. I will hunt them down from house to house. I will drag them out, both men and women, and will throw them into prison. I will destroy them all! Just you wait and see!"

In the days that followed, he was very troubled. It certainly seemed like God was present there with the martyr as he was stoned. Maybe he was right. Earnestly he sought for wisdom and answers from the priests and rulers. After listening to many arguments, he finally decided that the priests and scribes were right. The stoned man was a blasphemer. The Christ that he preached was an impostor. Closing his ears to the voice of his conscience, he devoted himself to his mission of destroying all the followers of this way. 

Months had passed, during which time he had been very busy. He hurried through the streets of Jerusalem towards the agreed meeting place. His mission had been very successful but it was not enough. It was time to expand beyond the walls of Jerusalem. Therefore he was on his way to meet with the high priest.

"Sir," he cried, "I have been faithful in executing the mission given to me after the stoning of that blasphemous man. Many followers of this so-called Christ have been put to death. Nevertheless, reports are circulating that these Christians have scattered from Jerusalem to many other towns. In fact, I have it on good account that there is a large group of them growing in Damascus. Therefore, I pray that you will give me letters that I may go to Damascus, arrest these people and drag them back here to Jerusalem in chains that we may properly deal with them." 

"I will give you the letters," he replied. "Go with the Lord's blessing to vindicate his honour."

It was the sixth, and last, day of his journey. As he crested the hill around midday, he could see the city of Damascus stretched out before him in the valley below. Throughout the journey he had had ample opportunity to think about his mission, how it had started and to where it had reached. He thought once again of the stoning. The sermon that lead to the stoning had been very convincing. He had almost been persuaded to believe, but how could all the religious leaders be so wrong? No, they had to be right. He must continue to be faithful in his mission to purify the nation from this blasphemy.

Suddenly a bright light, brighter than the sun, shone all around him. In terror he fell prostrate to the ground. As he lay there motionless, he heard a voice cry out: "Saul! Saul! Why are you persecuting me? It is useless for you to fight against my will." 

"Who are you, lord?" he gasped.

"I am Jesus, the one you are persecuting! Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do." was the startling reply.

The light faded and his men, recovering from their shock, gathered around his prostrate form. They helped him to his feet, but soon realised he was totally blind. Therefore, leading him by the hand they brought him into the city. After making enquiries, they brought him to the house of Judas on the main street of the city, Straight Street. 

Three days later, three days where he refused to eat or drink, there came a knock at the door. A man named Ananias was brought in to Saul. "Brother Saul," Ananias greeted warmly, "the Lord Jesus, who appeared to you on the road, has sent me so that you might regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit." 

Instantly, something like scales fell from his eyes and his sight was restored. Rising up, he was baptized and then sat down to eat some food and regain his strength.

References: Acts 7:56; Acts 8:3; Acts 9:1-19; Acts 26:12-18; Acts of the Apostles by Ellen White pp. 112-122.

The Power of a Drip

Over the past several months we have had a leak in our roof. Every time it rains we hear the steady drip, drip, drip on our ceiling. While we have been waiting for Strata to fix the roof leak, we have watched as the dripping has facilitated the growth of mould and a hole in the ceiling. It has just been a slow drip and only when it has been raining and yet it has been amazing the destruction that this small drip has made over the last several months. Oh the impact of little things.

Are there little habits in our lives that are causing character destruction like this drip? On the flip side, are there little habits in our lives that are helping to construct a beautiful character? Little things have a big impact. 

“The Kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard seed planted in a field. It is the smallest of all seeds, but it becomes the largest of garden plants; it grows into a tree, and birds come and make nests in its branches.” - Matthew‬ ‭13‬:‭31‬-‭32‬ ‭NLT‬‬

What Does It Matter?

Cain brought a gift to God, the best fruit of his crops. 

Abel also brought a gift to God, the best lamb from his flocks.

The offering that Abel brought, the Lord accepted,

But the offering that Cain brought, the Lord rejected.

Photo by Bill Fairs on Unsplash
     

Hang on a second.

They both brought offerings to God. 

They both came to worship God. 

They both brought their best to God. 

What did it matter?

"You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master." Genesis 4:7 NLT

"Cain attacked his brother, Abel, and killed him." Genesis 4:8

Cain tried to worship God in his own way and when he was rejected, he was angry and murdered Abel. Abel was worshiping God in the way that God had asked him too and he was killed, but he will live again.

"If you remain faithful even when facing death, I will give you the crown of life." Revelation 2:10 NLT

We need to walk with Jesus and follow His leading rather than doing things our own way.

It is a matter of life and death.

Let There Be Light

Darkness and silence were all around. Absolutely nothing could be seen, not even a hand held in front of the face. Not a whisper could be heard.

Suddenly the silence was broken by a voice...

"Let there be light"

Immediately the darkness was melted away by light.

That was the beginning. Now many years have passed, and we come upon a lamp in a dark room. It is one of those old fashioned kerosene lamps. Once again nothing can be seen, nothing can be heard, but here again a voice is heard...

"You are the light of the world... let your light shine."

Photo by Cedrik Wesche on Unsplash

But the lamp chimney is covered in dust and soot. The holes in the collar are blocked resulting in a weak and smokey flame. In desperation the lamp cries...

"I'm trying!"

The voice comes again...

"My precious lamp, I did not tell you to make your light shine, but to let it shine."

"I am the light of the world. I am the source of your light. Just let me come in and shine through you. Let me clean your chimney of the dust and soot. Let me clean out the rubbish that is blocking the holes in your collar and preventing the oxygen from flowing in. I am your light. Let me change you. Let me shine through you." 

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

References: Genesis 1:3. Matthew 5:14-16.

No, Go and Tell

Have you ever wanted to just be with Jesus?

Have you ever wondered what Jesus wants you to do here on this earth?

I have.

This morning I was reading in Mark chapter 5. Jesus had just cast a legion of demons out of a man and sent those demons into a herd of pigs. The pigs had then committed suicide and the man was left perfectly sane. "And the crowd began pleading with Jesus to go away and leave them alone" (Mark 5:17 NLT).

How did Jesus respond?

He respected their wishes and got into the boat. While he was doing this, the healed man "begged to go with him" (Mark 5:18 NLT). Wouldn't you do the same? Here was a man who had saved your life and everyone else had just asked him to leave. Wouldn't you want to go with him? I would.

How did Jesus respond?

He said, "No..." Sometimes the answer to our prayers is "No".

He said, "No, go home to your family, and tell them everything the Lord has done for you and how merciful he has been" (Mark 5:19 NLT).

How did the man respond?

"So the man started off to visit the Ten Towns of that region and began to proclaim the great things Jesus had done for him" (Mark 5:20 NLT). He was willing. He went out and witnessed everywhere. He told everyone what Jesus had done for him.

"and everyone was amazed at what he told them" (Mark 5:20 NLT).

Today, I want to be with Jesus. Today, Jesus is telling me "No". Today, Jesus is telling me to go home to my family and tell them everything that He has done for me and how merciful he has been. I am starting off on this mission. How about you?

I will set you free from fear

As I sat down at my table to spend time with God this morning, this verse came to mind...

"If you obey my teaching, you are really my disciples; you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:31-32).

In wondering what He meant by the truth, I was then led to another verse...

"I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one goes to the Father except by me" (John 14:6).

So I will know the truth, that is Jesus, and he will set me free. Ok, so how do I come to know Jesus? John 8:31-32 told me that I had to obey his teaching and be his disciple. What does Jesus want me to do?

My mind was led to the next chapter...

"My commandment is this: love one another, just as I love you (John 15:12).

If I love others just like Jesus loves me, I am his disciple. I will know the truth, that is Jesus, and He will set me free.

What will he set me free from? Many things, I am sure, but my mind was led to a particular verse...

There is no fear in love; perfect love drives out all fear. So then, love has not been made perfect in anyone who is afraid, because fear has to do with punishment (1 John 4:18).

If you love others, just like I love you, you are really my disciples; you will know me, and I will set you free from fear.

I was really blessed by my conversation with God this morning and I hope you are too! :)

Are you paying attention?

A few weeks ago I was having a shower when God spoke to me and told me that I would not die, but live and proclaim what the Lord had done (Psalm 118:17).

Woah!

Today, as I was going about my day God gave me this message:

God has brought you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Now you must tell all the wonderful things he has done (1 Peter 2:9).

Wow! Okay... so here I am!

Friends, I have passed through the valley of the shadow of death. I have doubted God, but even when I didn't sense it, God was loving me. He may not have been expressing his love in words, but he was in actions. He sent me people to love and protect and help me. Now the shadows have lifted and my faith has been restored. I am now going forth proclaiming what the Lord has done.

Friends, God never stops loving us. Sometimes we just aren't paying attention and are expecting him to show his love to us in our way.

The Great Reset

“‘Count off seven sabbath years—seven times seven years—so that the seven sabbath years amount to a period of forty-nine years. Consecrate the fiftieth year and proclaim liberty throughout the land to all its inhabitants. It shall be a jubilee for you; each of you is to return to your family property and to your own clan. - Leviticus 25:8,10 NIV

Perhaps the people had made bad choices that forced them to sell their property. Perhaps it had forced them even to sell themselves and their families into slavery. Perhaps the lives of people had been negatively impacted by the choices of their family members. Was everything lost?

No, every 50 years, in the year of jubilee, there was a great reset. Liberty was proclaimed. Property was returned. Families were reunited. It was as if God was saying: 

Your family members made bad choices which negatively impacted you. I am giving you a fresh start. Will you follow their example or will you make different choices? The choice is yours.

How encouraging is that?!

I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. - Exodus 20:5-6 NIV

There is hope!

Who is God? What is love?

Who is God?

What is love?

I've been thinking about these questions for awhile now.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 describes what love is, and in 1 John 4:8 John tells us that God is love, so...

God is patient.

God is kind.

God is not jealous.

God is not conceited.

God is not proud.

God is not ill-mannered.

God is not selfish.

God is not irritable.

God does not keep a record of wrongs.

God is not happy with evil.

God is happy with the truth.

God never gives up.

God's faith never fails.

God's hope never fails.

God's patience never fails.

God is eternal.

God is love.

Let's think about that.

To give credit where credit is due. 

These ideas I got from you:

https://tabletalk.online/02-what-and-who-is-god/

Where Does Love Come From?

Throughout history, people have often asked: Why is there so much pain and suffering?  If God is love, if God is all powerful, why does he allow so much pain and suffering?

I have been one of those people, and I have also asked: Why do some people experience a lot of pain and suffering and other people only little?

I couldn't make sense of it all and so, for the most part, I ignored the issue.

When I was coming out of the days of my deepest doubt.  When I no longer denied the existence of God but still questioned the nature of his character, a profound question emerged and burned into my consciousness:

Where does love come from?

Has that question ever occurred to you?  I have never heard anyone ask it before.

The Bible says that "God is love" (1 John 4:8).  Love, therefore, must come from God.  That's one explanation.  That is one supporting point for the existence of a God of love, for love has to come from somewhere.  How else can we explain the source of love?

Making Australia One

Shortly after nine, on the morning of April 25, a woman unobtrusively and unpretentiously stepped from the crowd and laid out the aboriginal flag at the foot of the flag pole.  A flag pole that was located by the cenotaph and which was flying the Australian flag at half mast.  Without a word, the woman melted back into the crowd.  A few minutes later, she was brought forward by an official and was asked to remove the flag.  This she meekly did, before quietly laying it on the cenotaph beside the wreaths.  Once again she was asked to move the flag.  Once again she gathered it up.  This time she took it with her as she resumed her position in the crowd.  She was crying.  She was hurt.  I, observing the scene from my place in the band, felt her pain.  I was hurt too.

Shock froze me to my seat.  I couldn't believe the injustice shown towards that woman.  My heart went out in empathy towards the woman.  I wanted to act.  I wanted to speak.  I was frozen.  Anger welled up in me towards the official who had shown such disrespect towards this woman and the people that she represented.  By her actions she was seeking to honour the Aboriginals who fought and died in the wars.  She had respect, and she was showing that respect.  How she was treated was wrong, very wrong.  I wish that I had been able to get up and show my support to that woman.  I didn't speak then, but I am speaking now.

As the crowd dispersed, the words and music of "We are One" rang out, adding insult to injury.  Instead of just playing "We are One", we need to BE one.  We need to be inclusive and respectful.  We need to listen and act.  We can't change the past, but we can, and must, change the present and the future.  

I believe it is about time that we create a new flag for the country of Australia, incorporating Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people in the design process so that we honour them and thus take another step towards making Australia one.

Self-sufficiency

Growing up, I had a dream to get married, have a large family, live on a property, grow my own food and basically be as self-sufficient as I could possibly be.  I didn't want to have to rely on other people any more than I absolutely had to.  Now that I'm an adult, my goals have changed and are continuing to change.

Lately, I've been thinking about this idea of self-sufficiency.  Is it really something to aspire to?  We live in an integrated society, but is that a good thing or a bad thing?  We have farmers, manufacturers, shops, cleaners, hospitals, schools, etc.  Maybe being part of a wider community is a good thing.  It enables everyone to focus on developing and utilising their unique skills.  I'm grateful for all the members of my community.  At the moment, I am particularly grateful for the people who repair roads and remove rubbish.

The other morning I went for a walk.  I have a policy for my walks - walk mindfully.  That means not listening to any music or podcasts or stories.  It means immersing myself in my environment and actively seeking to be aware of all my surroundings through my senses.  As I walked this morning, I was noticing that the new leaves on the hedges that I was passing were a lighter shade of green than the older leaves.  These thoughts transitioned into thinking about how well the plants survived the flood.  The grass didn't bat an eyelid after being submerged under metres of flood water.  The plants don't worry about what is happening around them, they just keep on living as best they can.  They can't do this on their own however.  They need some water at least, and sunshine, and carbon dioxide.  They rely on other things.  Nature is not self-sufficient.  The different elements of nature rely on one another for the things that they need.  They give what they can and they take what they need.

Bible Names: Adam

I have been doing some research on women leaders in the Bible (and no, I'm not ready to post anything yet).  This quest began before I listened to "The Making of Biblical Womanhood" by Beth Alison Barr (a book I highly recommend), but was rekindled by it.  In order not to miss any women, I started scanning through the Bible from Genesis.  Suddenly, I was struck by Genesis 5:2 (Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.).  THEIR name Adam?!  What does Adam mean?  Thus began my exploration into the meaning of Bible names.

Adam (see H120) - ruddy i.e. a human being (an individual or the species, mankind, etc.)

This name was given to both the man and the woman when they were created, see Genesis 5:2: "Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created."  Sometimes this name is used to refer only to the man, however most of the time it is used to refer to human beings in general as we can see from Genesis 5:2.  The majority of the time this word is translated as man (408x) or men (121x) as opposed to Adam (13x), person(s) (8x), common sort (1x) or hypocrite (1x).  Every time, other than in Genesis 5:2, this word when translated as 'Adam' refers only to the first man.

There is another word that is translated as Adam (see H121), this word is used in some of the verses that are speaking specifically about the first man.  It is not used to refer to human beings in general. 

In the new testament the word Adam (see G76) has two definitions: Adam, the first man; typically (of Jesus) man (as his representative).  Both uses of the word can be seen in 1 Corinthians: "For the scripture says, “The first man, Adam, was created a living being”; but the last Adam is the life-giving Spirit" (1 Corinthians 15:45 GNT).  The first Adam was given life; the last Adam gives life.

Not only is this word translated differently within the one version of the Bible, it is also translated differently between versions of the Bible.  Out of the 54 English translations listed on Bible Gateway, 28 use the word 'man' to refer to human beings in Genesis 1:26, e.g. And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth (Genesis 1:26 KJV).  Five use the word 'mankind'.  The remaining 20 translations use the term 'humans', 'human beings', 'humankind' or 'humanity'.  Why all the differences?  Why the predominant use of the word man to refer to human beings?

If we were to look at the orgin of the word 'man' in the English language, we would find the following:

The etymologically primary sense of the word is 'human being, person,' and that is what it generally meant in Old English (Ayto, 1990).

Ayto (1990) goes on to explain how the sexes were distinguished with 'wer' for the male and 'wif' for the female.

During the Middle English and early modern English periods 'male person' gradually came to the fore, and today 'person' is decidedly on the decline (helped on its way by those who feel that the usage discriminates against women).  Woman originated in Old English as a compound of wif 'woman, female' and man 'person' (Ayto, 1990).

The first English translations of the Bible were made during the time when the meaning of the word 'man' was gradually transitioning from 'human being, person' to 'male person'.  This would appear to explain the two meanings that we can find when we read the Bible.

References:

Ayto, J (1990). Dictionary of Word Origins. Arcade Publishing: New York.

Words of Comfort and Pain

You want to support someone who is grieving and at the same time you don't want to say anything to add to their pain.  So, what can you say?  In this post I will share words that have brought me comfort as well as words that have added to my pain, in the hopes that it will help people to better support those who are grieving.  At the end I have also included a list of characteristics which supportive people have.

 Words that brought me comfort in my grief:

• I am so sorry for your loss
• I can't imagine how hard this is for you
• I don't know what to say, but I am here for you
• If you want to talk, I'm happy to listen 
• We all need help at times like this, I am here for you
  
• You can call me anytime you need someone to talk to (make sure that they have other numbers which they can call if they can't get hold of you - see the phone numbers at the end of this post)
  
• I don't know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can
  

Note for those who are grieving: You will encounter people who say any or all of the above things but do not mean what they say and who consequently let you down.  Don't give up.  Look for support elsewhere.  See the numbers at the bottom of this post if you are stuck.  There are supportive people out there, they just tend to be harder to find.

Words that added to my pain:

• There is a reason for everything
• I know how you feel
• All things work together for good
• God has a plan in all this
• Count your blessings
• Focus on the positive  
• You need to move on with your life
  

A tricky one:  I'm praying for you.  From the right sort of person (someone who is effectively supporting you), this can be encouraging.  From everyone else it feels like a cop out.  I'm doing something to help you by praying for you.  How about you pray and ask God for wisdom as to what YOU can say or do to help.  We are to be God's hands on this earth.

Sometimes it is best not to say anything, especially if the grieving person is very distressed.  Stay with them.  Be near them.  Pass them the tissues.  Give them a hug if they want it.  It is uncomfortable for you and them and sometimes you just have to sit with it.

As you have probably realised, there is more to support than simply speaking the right words.  Supportive people not only speak words of comfort, they possess certain characteristics (adapted from grief.com).

• Are supportive, but don't try to fix it
• Don't tell you what to do (but ask what you want/need or phrase suggestions as questions if you can't articulate your wants/needs, e.g. Would it help you if we went for a walk together?)
  
• Admit that they can't make it better (rather than rationalising or trying to explain the loss)
  
• Validate your feelings (non-judgemental)
  
• Recognise loss (instead of minimising it)
  
• Do not place a time-limit on grief but rather let them take the time that they need (pushing them will only slow the process)
  

Despite all this, there is nothing like having someone support you who has been through a similar experience.  If possible, connect the grieving person with this kind of support as well.

Essential contacts to have for support:

Lifeline 13 11 14

Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636

If your grief is suicide related, the following numbers are also great to have as a resource:

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467

Suicide Call Back Service offers free professional 24/7 telephone counselling support to people at risk of suicide, concerned about someone at risk, bereaved by suicide and people experiencing emotional or mental health issues.

StandBy - Support After Suicide 1300 727 247 

Australia's leading suicide postvention program dedicated to assisting people and communities bereaved or impacted by suicide.

Grief

This year my brother would have turned 19.  Would have.  Twelve months ago he died in a car accident.  Two months prior to this, my aunt died in a car accident.  Two months after burying my brother we buried my grandfather as well.  Grief over the loss of his daughter and his grandson destroyed his desire to live.  I miss my aunt and my grandfather, but with my brother things have been different.

I loved my grandfather very much and he loved me just as much.  He called me his favorite granddaughter (I was the only one until my sister was born 13 years after me).  He overcame his fear of flying to visit me when I was only a few months old.  It was his only plane flight.  He addressed his first (and only?) email to me.  He was always so glad to see me and told me to "be good" and "stay away from boys".  Every now and then in my busy life I would ring him up and we would chat on the phone.  I loved him and didn't want him to die.  He died slowly over a number of weeks and I was able to speak to him, to be with him, to say goodbye.  I wept at his funeral.  I missed him.  Yet my grief over the death of my grandfather was eclipsed by the grief over my brother's death.  It wasn't long before I adjusted to the absence of my grandfather and was able to enjoy my memories of his life rather than be overcome by the grief of his death.  It was not so with my brother.

I didn't get to say goodbye to my brother.  His death was sudden, unexpected, unforeseen.  I didn't even get to be with him while he lay unconscious in hospital because I was stuck, locked down in another state.  I couldn't even be with my family in person.  I had to rely on FaceTime.  It wasn't until I had spent a week trying to get permission to cross the border and two weeks in hotel quarantine, that I was reunited with my family.  The grief was incredibly intense and enduring.  It is only now, almost a year later, that I am able to grasp the fact that he really is gone.  The shock has worn off (I think) but the grief remains.  Slowly it becomes easier to bear with the passing of time.  It is no longer all encompassing but it is no less painful.  I am learning to live with my grief.

We are told that everyone experiences grief differently.  It is also true that we grieve different losses differently.  It was easier for me to part with my grandfather because he was old.  He had lived to see his kids grow up and some of his grandkids grow up too.  It was also easier because I saw it coming, I was able to say goodbye, and I was able to begin grieving when he was still alive.  None of this was true for my brother.  And my aunt?  That was hard too, only made easier by the fact that I had never spent a lot of time with her.  Regardless to say, the shock of her death was still very hard for me to handle and I can't imagine how hard it must be for her husband.  

Why am I sharing this with you all?  Because I have had numerous people who have indicated by words and/or actions that they understand the pain that I and my family are experiencing.  The fact is: You don't.  Don't pretend that you do.  Only those who have unexpectedly lost a sibling or child (or parent if the parent is young) can begin to understand.  Before I experienced this, I had no idea how painful it could be.  And that wasn't because I hadn't experienced the death of family members before.  The death of a grandfather is very different to the death of a brother.  

What do we need?  We need your love and empathetic, listening ears.  We can do without judgment and trite answers which only add to our pain.  Are you at a loss to know what to say to someone who is grieving?  In my next post I will share some comments that I have received which have helped me in my grief.

It's OK to Grieve

Twelve months ago, I experienced the sudden and unexpected death of my brother Peter.  There are no words to express the intense and enduring grief of myself and my family members in response to this tragedy.  It would have been impossible for me to imagine what this experience would have been like beforehand.  Only those who have tasted it will begin to understand.  Over the past twelve months I have gradually learned strategies to manage my grief.  It is no longer all encompassing.  The pain has not lessened, I have just learned how to live with it.  There is room for other things in my life alongside the grief.  How did I reach this point?  Time and people.  Time to express and process my grief through words, actions, and artwork.  People to listen without judgement as I struggled to express what I was going through, particularly individuals who had also experienced the sudden and unexpected death of a sibling, parent or child who had their whole life ahead of them.

What do we need from those around us when something like this happens to us?  We need to be listened to.  We need to be loved.  We need to be told and reminded that it is OK to grieve.  We need people to grieve with us.

Jesus' dear friend Lazarus had died, leaving behind his grieving sisters: Mary and Martha.  

When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed in the house.  John 11:20.

After speaking with Jesus, Martha returned to her sister Mary in the house and said: "The teacher is here, and is asking for you." John 11:28. 

When Mary heard this, she got up and hurried out to meet him...  Mary arrived where Jesus was, and as soon as she saw him, she fell at his feet.  "Lord," she said, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died!"  Jesus saw her weeping, and he saw how the people who were with her were weeping also; his heart was touched, and he was deeply moved.  "Where have you buried him?" he asked them.  "Come and see, Lord," they answered.  Jesus wept. John 11:29-35.

Did Jesus reprove Mary and those who were with her for grieving the death of Lazarus?  No.

Did Jesus tell Mary and her attendants to count their blessings, or praise God?  No.

Did Jesus tell them that they had grieved long enough and that they needed to move on with their lives?  No.

How did Jesus respond to their grief?  The Bible says that his heart was touched, he was deeply moved and he wept.  He wept.  He joined them.  He grieved with them.

Jesus knew that he was about to raise Lazarus from the dead.  Jesus knew that everyone would be happy and full of joy soon.  Jesus had hope.  Still, knowing all this, Jesus wept.  My friends, it is OK to grieve.

No Answers

So what are my conclusions from the last two blog posts?

In the first one, "Why?", I shared some possible answers as to why good things and bad things happen in general, however there were no answers for specific situations.  There are still no answers for why my brother died as a result of his car accident while other people have been miraculously healed.

When Job asked, "Why?", God didn't give him answers for his specific situation either.  

We do not know why God heals some people and lets others die.  We do not know why some people live relatively happy lives while others experience a lot of pain and suffering.  God hasn't given us answers for our specific situations.  What he has done, is given us a picture of who He is.

• God created each and every one of us and the world in which we live.
• God is love.
• God paid the price for our sin so that He could live with us forever.
• God wants to be with us.
  
• He paints the glorious sunsets and sunrises.
• He hangs the dew drops on the blades of grass and embeds them in the spiders' web.

Study the Bible (particularly the gospels) and nature to find out more about who God really is.

God has not given us answers for our specific situations, but one day He will (though not in this lifetime).  We need to trust Him and wait.

Rather than trying to give answers to suffering people, let's admit that we don't have answers.  In the words of my friend Jess, "I just feel like the cliche Christian platitudes don't cut it when it comes to pain and suffering." Rather than trying to fix the pain and suffering of those around us, let us sit with them in empathy and look for practical ways to show love and care to them.